The Adventures of a Modest Man

This volume packed with bric-à-brac I offer you with my affection,-- The story halts, the rhymes are slack-- Poor stuff to add to your collection. Gems you possess from ages back: It is the modern junk you lack.

We three once moused through marble halls, Immersed in Art and deep dejection, Mid golden thrones and choir-stalls And gems beyond my recollection-- Yet soft!--my memory recalls Red labels pasted on the walls!

And so, perhaps, my bric-à-brac May pass the test of your inspection; Perhaps you will not send it back, But place it--if you've no objection-- Under some nick-nack laden rack Where platters dangle on a tack.

So if you'll take this book from me And hide it in your cupboards laden Beside some Dresden filigree And frivolously fetching maiden-- Who knows?--that Dresden maid may see My book--and read it through pardie!

R. W. C.

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"Senilis stultitia quae deliratio appellari solet, senum levium est, non omnium."

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CONTENTS

CHAPTER PAGE I. CONCERNING TWO GENTLEMEN FROM LONG ISLAND, DESTINY, AND A POT OF BLACK PAINT 1 II. A CHAPTER DEPICTING A RATHER GARRULOUS REUNION 14 III. TROUBLE FOR TWO 25 IV. WHEREIN A MODEST MAN IS BULLIED AND A LITERARY MAN PRACTICES STYLE 42 V. DREAMLAND 58 VI. SOUL AND BODY 74 VII. THE BITER, THE BITTEN, AND THE UN-BITTEN 85 VIII. A MATTER OF PRONUNCIATION 98 IX. FATE 104 X. CHANCE 117 XI. DESTINY 129 XII. IN WHICH A MODEST MAN MAUNDERS 143 XIII. A CHANCE ACQUAINTANCE 154 XIV. A STATE OF MIND 168 XV. FLOTSAM AND JETSAM 181 XVI. THE SIMPLEST SOLUTION OF AN ANCIENT PROBLEM 194 XVII. SHOWING HOW IT IS POSSIBLE FOR ANY MAN TO MAKE OF HIMSELF A CHUMP 208 XVIII. THE MASTER KNOT OF HUMAN FATE 221 XIX. THE TIME AND THE PLACE 234 XX. DOWN THE SEINE 242 XXI. IN A BELGIAN GARDEN 269 XXII. A YOUTHFUL PATRIOT 287 XXIII. ON THE WALL 292 XXIV. A JOURNEY TO THE MOON 303 XXV. THE ARMY OF PARIS 316

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LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS

FACING PAGE "'I realised that I was going to kiss her if she didn't move.... And--she didn't'" Frontispiece "'Give up my dead!' she whispered. 'Give up my dead!'" 40 "Christmas Eve she knelt, crying, before the pedestal" 80 "'Only one person in the world can ever matter to me--now'" 140 "Beyond, rocking wildly in a gilded boat, sat two people and a placid swan" 190 "'I--I don't know,' she stammered; 'my shoe seems tied to yours'" 214

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AN INADVERTENT POEM

There is a little flow-urr In our yard it does grow Where many a happy hou-urr I watch our rooster crow; While clothes hang on the clothes-line And plowing has began --And the name they call this lit-tul vine Is just "Old Man."

Old Man, Old Man A-growing in our yard, Every spring a-coming up While yet the ground is har-rrd; Pottering 'round the chickens' pan, Creeping low and slow, And why they call it Old Man I never asked to know. I never want to know.

Crawling through the chick-weed, Dragging through the quack, Pussly, tansy, tick-weed Almost break his back. Catnip, cockle, dock prevent His travelling all they can, But still he goes the ways he's went, Poor Old Man!

Old Man, Old Man, What's the use of you? No one wants to see you, like As if you hadn't grew. You ain't no good to nothing So far as I can see, Unless some maiden fair will sing These lines I've wrote to thee. And sing 'em soft to me.

Some maiden fa-hair With { ra-haven } hair { go-holden } Will si-hing this so-hong To me-hee-ee!

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CHAPTER I

CONCERNING TWO GENTLEMEN FROM LONG ISLAND, DESTINY, AND A POT OF BLACK PAINT

"Hello, old man!" he began.