The Gay Rebellion

_Though J. H. jeer And "Smith" incline to frown, I do not fear To write these verses down And publish them in town. The solemn world knows well that I'm no poet; So what care I if two gay scoffers know it?

Buck up, my Muse! Wing high thy skyward way, And don't refuse To let me say my say As bravely as I may. To praise a lady fair I father verses, Which Admiration cradles, Homage nurses._

_For you, Suzanne, Long since have won my heart; You break it, too, And leave the same to smart full sore Whenever you depart for Baltimore. You're charming;--and in metre I endeavour To say you are as winsome as you're clever._

Winsome and wise, Subtle in maiden's lore, With wondrous eyes-- Alas for Baltimore, That grows this rose no more! As for Manhattan, that benign old vulture Wins one more prize in fancy horticulture.

So now to you I dedicate this tale; It's neither new Nor altogether stale,-- Nor can completely fail, For your bright name as sponsor for my story Assures the author of reflected glory. R. W. C.

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PREFACE

THESE stories, mademoiselle, as your intuition tells you, are for old-fashioned young people only; and should be read in the Golden Future, some snowy evening by the fire after a home dinner à deux. Your predestined husband, mademoiselle, is to extend his god-like figure upon a sofa, with an ash-tray convenient. You are to do the reading, curled up in the big velvet wing-chair, with the lamp at your left elbow and the fender under your pretty feet. As for me, I shall venture to smile at you now and then from the printed page--but with discretion, mademoiselle, not inconveniencing your party à deux. For, to be rid of me, you have merely to close this book.

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FOREWORD

The attention of the civilized world is, at present, concentrated upon The Science of Eugenics. The author sincerely trusts that this important contribution to the data now being so earnestly nosed out and gathered, may aid his fellow students, scientifically, politically and anthropologically.

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Miris modis Di ludos faciunt hominibus!

R. W. C.

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"Facta canam; sed erunt qui me finxisse loquantur."--OVID.

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LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS

FACING PAGE

"She looked at him almost insolently . . . 'Presently,' she said" Frontispiece "'To begin,' he said, 'I came here fishing'" 46 "Only one fleet-footed young girl remained at his heels" 184 "'Pray, observe my unmatched eyes'" 246

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I

THE year had been, as everybody knows, a momentous and sinister year for the masculine sex; marriages and births in the United States alone had fallen off nearly eighty per cent.; the establishment of Suffragette Unions in every city, town, and village of the country, their obedience to the dictation of the Central National Female Franchise Federation; the financial distress of the florists, caterers, milliners and modistes incident to the almost total suspension of social functions throughout the great cities of the land, threatened eventually to paralyse the nation's business.

Clergymen were in a pitiable condition for lack of fees and teas; the marriage license bureau was open only Mondays and Saturdays; the social columns of the newspapers were abolished. All over the Union young men were finding time hanging heavy on their hands after business hours because there was little to do now that every town had its Franchise Clubs magnificently fitted with every requisite that a rapidly advancing sex could possibly demand.