The Napoleon of Notting Hill

_For every tiny town or place God made the stars especially; Babies look up with owlish face And see them tangled in a tree: You saw a moon from Sussex Downs, A Sussex moon, untravelled still, I saw a moon that was the town's, The largest lamp on Campden Hill._

_Yea; Heaven is everywhere at home The big blue cap that always fits, And so it is (be calm; they come To goal at last, my wandering wits), So is it with the heroic thing; This shall not end for the world's end, And though the sullen engines swing, Be you not much afraid, my friend._

_This did not end by Nelson's urn Where an immortal England sits-- Nor where your tall young men in turn Drank death like wine at Austerlitz. And when the pedants bade us mark What cold mechanic happenings Must come; our souls said in the dark, "Belike; but there are likelier things."_

_Likelier across these flats afar These sulky levels smooth and free The drums shall crash a waltz of war And Death shall dance with Liberty; Likelier the barricades shall blare Slaughter below and smoke above, And death and hate and hell declare That men have found a thing to love._

_Far from your sunny uplands set I saw the dream; the streets I trod The lit straight streets shot out and met The starry streets that point to God. This legend of an epic hour A child I dreamed, and dream it still, Under the great grey water-tower That strikes the stars on Campden Hill._

G. K. C.

CONTENTS

BOOK I

Chapter Page

I. INTRODUCTORY REMARKS ON THE ART OF PROPHECY 13

II. THE MAN IN GREEN 21

III. THE HILL OF HUMOUR 49

BOOK II

I. THE CHARTER OF THE CITIES 65

II. THE COUNCIL OF THE PROVOSTS 82

III. ENTER A LUNATIC 102

BOOK III

I. THE MENTAL CONDITION OF ADAM WAYNE 125

II. THE REMARKABLE MR. TURNBULL 147

III. THE EXPERIMENT OF MR. BUCK 163

BOOK IV

I. THE BATTLE OF THE LAMPS 189

II. THE CORRESPONDENT OF THE "COURT JOURNAL" 208

III. THE GREAT ARMY OF SOUTH KENSINGTON 224

BOOK V

I. THE EMPIRE OF NOTTING HILL 259

II. THE LAST BATTLE 279

III. TWO VOICES 291

ILLUSTRATIONS

IN THE DARK ENTRANCE THERE APPEARED A FLAMING FIGURE Frontispiece

To face page

CITY MEN OUT ON ALL FOURS IN A FIELD COVERED WITH VEAL CUTLETS 16

"I'M THE KING OF THE CASTLE" 70

"I BRING HOMAGE TO MY KING" 104

MAP OF THE SEAT OF WAR 190

KING AUBERON DESCENDED FROM THE OMNIBUS WITH DIGNITY 220

"A FINE EVENING, SIR," SAID THE CHEMIST 264

"WAYNE, IT WAS ALL A JOKE!" 296

BOOK I

THE NAPOLEON OF NOTTING HILL

CHAPTER I--Introductory Remarks on the Art of Prophecy

The human race, to which so many of my readers belong, has been playing at children's games from the beginning, and will probably do it till the end, which is a nuisance for the few people who grow up. And one of the games to which it is most attached is called "Keep to-morrow dark," and which is also named (by the rustics in Shropshire, I have no doubt) "Cheat the Prophet." The players listen very carefully and respectfully to all that the clever men have to say about what is to happen in the next generation. The players then wait until all the clever men are dead, and bury them nicely. They then go and do something else. That is all. For a race of simple tastes, however, it is great fun.

For human beings, being children, have the childish wilfulness and the childish secrecy. And they never have from the beginning of the world done what the wise men have seen to be inevitable. They stoned the false prophets, it is said; but they could have stoned true prophets with a greater and juster enjoyment. Individually, men may present a more or less rational appearance, eating, sleeping, and scheming. But humanity as a whole is changeful, mystical, fickle, delightful. Men are men, but Man is a woman.