Gravy Train

Ever hear of evil fairies who grant three wishes? McWorther's was more efficient. One wish was plenty to bring catastrophe!

[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from Worlds of If Science Fiction, March 1960. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]

I

At one hundred and thirty, life was indeed gratifying for Titus McWorther. But for one missing detail, it would have been perfect.

With his wife, Edna, he had planned well for retirement. His idyllic estate consisted of a second-hand planetoid, thirty miles in circumference, which was the only habitable piece of matter in its system. Complete with supplementary gravity generator, a compact atmosphere, a mantle of lush topsoil and a carefully selected biota, McWorther's World was both his delight and his pride.

Its principal asset was, of course, its isolation.

Well away from the mainstream of galactic civilization, McWorther's Star was smugly hidden behind a dark nebula, through which he and Edna plunged twice a year to the fringe of the cluster--just to observe and mock convention, if for nothing else.

It was an ideal setup.

But, after two sedentary years, Titus realized he still needed one item to make his retirement complete. So he dispatched this tight-beamed message to the packet order department of Rear-Sobucks and Company in the West Cluster Federation's Hub City:

Dear Sir:

Please send one automatic bather with back-scrubbing attachment and toy boat docks, as listed in your videolog under order No. 4678-25C. Charge same to credit account No. W414754-B24D.

Sincerely yours, Titus McWorther, Potentate McWorther's World

He listed the coordinates of the star and the orbital factor of his planetoid.

* * * * *

Unfortunately, the hyper-spatial line between McWorther's World and the nearest relay center was partly coincident with the link to the politically noncommitted world of Gauyuth-VI.

This condition, together with the fact that components of a communication are sent by separate pulse, sometimes leads to the embarrassing phenomenon known as "message interfusion," which is retransmission of the right text with the wrong signature.

And it so happened that as Titus McWorther's order was en route, the system was also being burdened with this intelligence to the Ganymede Extension of the Western Cluster's State Department:

Dear Sir:

This will verify our agreement and authorize implementation of interstellar aid arrangements as set forth in conferences with your ambassador. If such arrangements produce mutual satisfaction, we will quite readily declare concurrence, in principle at least, with the political aims of the Western Cluster.

Respectfully yours, Ogarm Netath, Prime Minister Gauyuth-VI

Appended to the signature were the coordinates of Gauyuth and the orbital factor of its Number Six planet.

* * * * *

Wharton Hoverly, undersecretary of cosmic aid for the Western Cluster, plucked at his thick, gray mustache as he reread the space-o-gram.

He punched the videobox stud. "Mallston!"

The younger and more composed face of his assistant stared from the screen. "Yes, sir?"

"Anything yet?"

"Not a thing. We have no record of a--McWorther's World."

"What do you suppose?"

"Well, it seems authentic enough. We do know Ambassador Summerson has been working in that general area."